Humour for the day

Mother: David, come here.

David: Yes, mum?

Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now

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Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father: So?

Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 and on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breakingplates, then complete silence.
The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn't say anything.

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Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?

Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That's why I say she's no good!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"

Student: " Singapore , Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Student: "All of me, Sir."

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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"

Only one hand shot up.

"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.

"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"

Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."

Teacher: "Use your dad's then."

Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.

"What did u get?" asked his father.

"My marks are under water," said the boy.

"What do u mean 'under water'?"

"They are all below 'C' level" (sea level)